Dating people who look the same
They point out that anxiously attached people may seem fascinating at first—their preoccupation with themselves may easily be confused with self-disclosure and openness, which facilitates a sense of connection.
Similarly, an avoidant person may come across as independent and strong.
The shared characteristics he discovered between his subjects' partners and their opposite-sex parents were robust, and not merely coincidental.
What individuals respond to in relationships is not what they actually said or did during an interaction with their partner," the researchers surmised.
"Rather, what they respond to is memories of the interaction filtered through their working models.” This research explains why it is that if we have, indeed, partnered with someone whose internalized scripts are very different from our own, the discord is likely to be endless, with little resolution in sight without some kind of intervention. “Attachment Styles Among Young Adults: A Test of a Four-Category Model,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1991), vol.101 (2): 226-244. “Perceived and Actual Characteristics of Parents and Partners: A Test of a Freudian Model of Mate Selection,” I have not read your article yet but yes I married my unloving mother.
For a securely attached individual whose primary connections taught her that people are loving, dependable, and trustworthy, this is just dandy.
But for those of us who are insecurely attached, the familiar can be dangerous territory.
One woman, the daughter of a hypercritical and demanding mother, recently talked with me about her recently-ended, two-decades-long marriage: "I still have issues with feeling capable and doing things right.
Unfortunately, I married my mother and was never able to feel competent in my husband’s eyes, either.It helps if there is at least a sentence by the author stating that they cannot make conclusions about LGBT people. I agree that this article is sex exclusive and that it would've been interesting to see how these same patterns are applied in various different relationships.However, I think that these psychologists would've had to study it even closer than they did.In a series of experiments, the team discovered that avoidants—despite the fact that they don’t want emotional connection—actually made lots of eye contact and used touch more than securely attached people to seem more appealing in a dating situation.Avoidants use humor in dating situations to create a sense of sharing and detract from their essential aloofness.When we meet someone new, it’s not just our unconscious models that are in the room or at the bar; there are conscious assessments, too.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating