Help im dating a sociapath

First, shift your Hollywood version of the sociopath or psychopath (the terms are interchangeable) – a cold-blooded serial killer – to the actual definition of a sociopath. In fact, sociopaths have an especially strong fondness for evoking pity. Good people will let pathetic individuals get away with, sometimes literally, murder. Sometimes the more we fear someone, the more we defer to them and offer them respect. And, once recognized, wouldn’t it be great to know how to deal with one? In her book The Sociopath Next Door, clinical psychologist and former Harvard faculty member Martha Stout, Ph D, gives us a great roadmap for conceptualizing, understanding, and avoiding sociopaths. They use their victim’s goodness and capacity to trust against them. They are masterful at evoking pity and have incredible acting skills.

It’s as if they say to themselves, They need to bolster themselves and boost their egos and narcissists do so through other’s admiration and envy; some narcissists take this a step further and accomplish this by having people fall in love with them.

Since the narcissist thrives on people desiring him (or her), he learns to excel at arousing such feelings in others.

That’s 4% of the population, or about 12 million Americans. Maybe it was a romantic partner you think back on and describe as evil. All sociopaths violent – some emotionally, and some physically as well. Don’t compete with, or try to outsmart, or psychoanalyze, or even banter with a sociopath. Minimize or eliminate the sociopath from your life. If you find yourself pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, chances are close to 100% that you are dealing with a sociopath. Never agree, for any reason, to help conceal the true character of a sociopath.

Sociopaths wreak havoc in people’s lives in quiet ways, too. Have you ever known someone who left you feeling confused, devastated, or chilled – maybe all at once? Sociopathic characteristics include powerful charisma, charm, spontaneity, chronic manipulation, intensity, and risk taking. And when we pity, we are emotionally defenseless, emotionally vulnerable. Just because someone causes you to fear does not mean they are worthy of your respect. 7) Do not participate in intrigue – don’t play the game you’re being invited to play. The best way to protect yourself is to avoid all contact.

Following is a paraphrase of what is written in her book. I’m curious to hear: what sociopaths have you encountered in your lives?

Stout lists “Thirteen Rules For Dealing With Sociopaths In Everyday Life.” I love this list and found it enlightening. “In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on – educator, doctor, leader, animal lover, policeman, humanist, parent – go with your instincts,” Stout urges. I write this not in the spirit of schadenfreude, but rather in celebration of ability, the majority of us, to live lives full of depth, meaning, relationship, and love.

He has been abusive physically, emotionally and verbally which is why I am divorcing him.

He is great at manipulating people and he always plays the victim.

This behavior is not always conscious and intentional. Unlike fairytales, “perfect” romantic love can’t last forever.

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